Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Open Letter to the Belchertown Police Department

Everyone driving in Belchertown is drunk!


It can't be true! you say. 

Well, I say it is true, and I can prove it!

I often run the same 6.2 mile loop in Belchertown, I like it because it has some nice rolling hills that are a good challenge. Along the way I always notice booze bottles and beer cans on the side of the road. 

Today, I brought along my camera and I figured I would do a post about how there is obviously no respect for law enforcement in Btown.

At first I started out and I was going to take a picture of EVERY container.  That lasted about 100 feet. 

This is how it went... I run 3 paces, skid to a halt and take a picture... run 3 paces, skid to a halt and take a picture.  Clearly that plan was screwed.

I settled on taking a couple pictures and just counting the rest to see how many there were total.  Well, the counting was great because I was so focused on looking for bottles that the run flew right by.  I should try that in races from now on.

So I end up in front of the Belchertown Police Station and I need to cross the street so I can take a picture of their sign.  There is a conveniently located crosswalk, a police officer parked 50 feet away looking right at me, and a crossing guard sitting on her ass in her car. 

Keep in mind I am wearing the most obnoxious Day Glo shirt you can imagine.

I step into the crosswalk and stand there as a dozen cars drive past me in each direction, the crossing guard sits in her car, the police officer stares at me.  I feel really great about my tax dollars at work. 

Eventually, one driver goes into full pucker mode and slams on his brakes nearly causing a massive pile-up as all the other cell phone users.... ummm..... I mean "drivers", snap out of their coma.

I cross the street, the crossing guard appologizes to me because she was basically useless.  I walk over, take a picture of the sign, and jog past the police officer who just stares at me as I give him a polite little wave.

I wonder... Just what is it that he is looking for???  Osama Bin Laden??? 

So, when I was only 3 miles in and had already counted 100 bottles, I quit counting.  I mean really.... what's the point?

I looked at the Belchertown Police Department web site where they describe themselves:

"The Belchertown Police Department is a full service, 24 hours per day, public safety operation. The department is responsive to citizens needs and has adopted a community policing philosophy of working in partnership with the community.
In addition to traditional police services such as investigative and reactive patrols, the Department pro-actively works with residents to collectively solve problems via neighborhood planning and strategy meetings."

Responsive to citizens needs???
Well I have some needs... 
First, I want you to look like you are doing something. 
Second, I want you to give me a police escort when I ride and run. 
Third, shoot anyone who almost hits me (note: bring lots of bullets) 
Fourth, pull someone over and arrest them for being drunk.

Ok, I don't really care if they actually ARE drunk.  Just do it so the word gets around about how you guys are a bunch of BAD ASSES and are hard on crime!  The ONE arrest this week was for a "failure to appear", come on guys, step it up!

Thanks guys!  Just one more question...

Who is responsible for putting your police station next door to a Dunkin Donuts?  Good Planning!