Monday, December 27, 2010

Gym Rules

It's official, I've been working out for half of my life.  That makes me an expert on gym behavior and allows me to make the rules.  Don't believe me... check out a couple of my baby photos.

Pay attention because this is important.

Gym Rules
#1 - This is not social hour, it's ok to say hi to someone but beyond that I don't want to hear you talk.
#2 - Cell phones, (see rule #1)
#3 - If I am 3 feet from the mirror, doing an exercise, and looking at my form, don't walk between me and the mirror it makes me want to punch you.
#4 - If you sweat on a machine, good for you, you are working hard.  Now clean the machine.
#5 - If you are grunting and dropping weights I better be impressed by how hard you are lifting, otherwise you are just being obnoxious.
#6 - If you can do your workout and read a book at the same time, you aren't trying hard enough.
#7 - If you pick up a weight, put it back where it goes. 
#8 - It's not a fashion show and nobody cares how your hair looks.
#9 - Do not have body odor, that means ANY, perfume or stink.  I don't want to smell you.
#10 - Don't bring food in the gym, it's not a bistro.

Locker Room Rules
#1 - Don't let your balls touch anything you don't own, use a towel.
#2 - If you need to pick something up off the floor, don't bend at the waist, use your knees.
#3 - Don't stare at my genitals, it's just wierd if you do.
#4 - I know your kid is an electrical contractor, I don't need another one of his business cards.
#5 - Don't leave your half used soap in the shower tray.
#6 - There are only two acceptable body positions in the steam or sauna room. Sitting and walking in or out. Don't stand in front of me while I'm sitting.
#7 - Shaving, brushing your teeth, combing hair, etc can be done with a towel around your waist. 
#8 - There is a time limit on cleaning your private parts in the shower, it doesn't take 5 minutes, everyone knows what you are doing.
#9 - If you don't use a lock on your locker, you waive your right to complain about stolen items.
#10 - Seriously, stop looking at my genitals.